Why Do We Travel?

Iceland. The Black Sand beach. We sit in silence, watching waves crash in a rhythmic beat, ASMR to my ears. Wind gently caresses my hair. The warm glow from the sun enveloping me in a tight embrace. A half-eaten sandwich sits on my lap. I take slow, deliberate bites of it.

The view before us is picture perfect, screensaver worthy. I resist the urge to whip out my camera and take a photo. I’ve been snapping photos like a paparazzi at an Oscars after party the whole trip. I’ll let this moment live in my memories.

Despite my best attempt at being distraction-free, I couldn’t be in the moment. My mind is on an overdrive. I ruminate about how perfect the moment was. When would be the next time I feel this content with my life? I count down the time I have overseas on exchange, before I return to the inhibited, mundane routine in Singapore. I try not to think about the assignments I have left behind, that I still cared about despite it being ultimately ungraded as I was an exchange student.

A dreadful thought flashed across my mind. An inexplicable fear. What if this is the happiest moment in my life and nothing could ever measure up to it again?

Why do we travel? We travel to escape. We travel to unpack ourselves then reassemble ourselves with a few souvenirs from the trip. We travel to reinvent ourselves. We travel to be rejuvenated. Or written more eloquently by Robyn Yong, “We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.”

Yet being in a foreign country posed a new set of problems while old problems still remain. I'm still stressed out about assignments, still pulled late nights to finish work. I still had inexplainable low moments that I tried to sleep away, days that when I had no motivation to do anything.

New problems arise. The people were foreign and uninterested in friendships. I was not used to having so much time alone, away from familiar faces. I was lonely. I missed my friends.

I booked myself an impromptu getaway, hoping that it would give me a little peace. Instead, I clung onto peaceful moments like it was lifebuoy on turbulent waters. I thought going on an exchange, having a change of pace and environment would leave my baggage back in Singapore. Turns out I was looking at different problems with the same lens. Maybe what I really need is an escape from myself.

As we pack up to leave, I run to the water’s edge to pick up a lava rock and hurriedly stuffed it into my oversized coat. A piece of calm before I head back to the hustle.